Consciousness in relationships

Consciousness applies to absolutely every area of our lives—to include our relationships. I have come to learn that a significant area of emotional suffering comes from the relationships in which we are entangled. It is so important to our mental and physical health to recognize who can operate with consciousness and who can not. I find that many people stay engaged in relationships (romantic, familial, or friendships) significantly longer than what serves us. Without a doubt, if you choose to stay in a dynamic with a person who it not capable of consciousness, you will be impacted on an emotional, mental, and physical level. If you are committed to a life of consciousness, this will include prioritizing and seeking out relationships of conscious behavior and conduct that support your growth and emotional fulfillment.

First let’s be clear about what a LACK of consciousness in a relationship looks like. Essentially, a lack of consciousness will look like emotional immaturity. Have you ever felt like your spouse, partner, friend, or family member is acting like a child? Giving you the silent treatment? Having a temper tantrum? Making passive aggressive comments? Speaking about others in a hateful way? Speaking or acting in a way that is very vain or superficial? Deflecting accountability? Inability to resolve conflict? Score keeping (“I did this, so you do that”)? Speaking disrespectfully about other people? This is a lack of consciousness. This is someone who is responding unconsciously, usually due to inner conflicts in their emotional world, unresolved trauma, and unconscious stress responses. The important thing to know about someone who is behaving this way is that you can not change their behavior. If you find yourself having the same arguments and disagreements and they just don’t seem to get it—that’s because they don’t. They are not able to access the same level of self-awareness, desire for growth, and conscious intentions that you may be operating from.

Consciousness in relationships looks like the opposite of these things. It includes active problem solving, being able to hold space for someone while they experience an emotion without reacting to them, deeper conversations that facilitate connection and understanding, and being committed to transforming negative thought and emotional patterns that impact the relationship. Remember, someone verbally reassuring you that things will change is not the same as actually seeing change. This is another form of emotional immaturity, giving empty promises with little to no sustainable follow through with their actions.

You can choose to have relationships with only those who operate on a level of consciousness that aligns with you— and to maintain boundaries with those who don’t. This doesn’t have to come from a place of “I am better than” but more from a place of appropriate discernment that allows us to engage with people who understand the importance, depth, and abundant rewards of conscious connections.